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The Covert Problem

Joe and I had our first couples therapy appointment on Tuesday, and it went pretty well. When we were talking about our childhoods, I told Megan, the counselor, the story I last blogged about, “Selfish Bitch.” I felt lame. I felt like I needed to convince her. What is a father hissing at you when […]

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Selfish Bitch

We were on vacation. We went for two weeks every summer. One week to my mom’s parents’ in the east, which usually involved one day at the ocean and fun cousins; and one week to my dad’s mom’s in the South, which involved a huge, mostly empty haunted feeling house with three floors and two […]

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Happy Enabler’s Day

I am a mom and I hate Mother’s Day. I did send my mom a text just now. I don’t have anything for her, but I will get some flowers or something. There have been some years I haven’t. What my mom taught me is how NOT to be a mother. How not to ignore, […]

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Sundowning

Ah, the PTSD marriage. Joe and I are triggered by opposite things, and then we trigger each other. We should always walk around our home with #TW labels on our foreheads. It’s ridiculous. He is triggered by mess. Mess makes me feel safe. We are both triggered by doctors. Me, on an emotional level because […]

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Dismembered

One time when I was still little, and maybe taking a bath, my father pointed at a mole I had (and still have, along with c-section and laparoscopy scars) right next to my bikini line area. “That would enable us to identify you if anything ever happened,” he said, inexplicably.

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The Moat

Today I realized two things about the fact that I don’t cook or clean and seemingly very deliberately let clothes, shoes and books pile up around my bed in great mounds. One was my own thought about my mother’s distance from me and that the way she parented was by keeping an immaculate home and […]

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